Why I am not happy? I am not beautiful enough, I can’t stay consistent with diet or workout, I am not good enough.
If you are like most of us, your mind is pretty good at telling where things went wrong and really bad at telling where things were going good. Thoughts like “I missed workout again”, I had way more dessert than I should” are going through your head on a regular basis. You are searching for the weakest points from yourself and say “Nothing will ever change in a better way”.
Do you recognize yourself? If you think this way, it is the most discouraging way to think and you don’t need to wonder why you never feel satisfied and happy with yourself.
There are 3 ways to happiness, which are all based of knowledge:
- Learning
- Progress
- Achievement
Always when you are growing as a human , you are free from thoughts to get something more.
If you are unhappy about your current situation, you are blaming yourself why you are unhappy, not motivated and inefficient. Don’t let those feelings discourage you.
Why I am not happy?
Have you ever thought that if you could talk differently to yourself, it could make a huge difference?
Instead of focusing on how you have failed again, try to start thinking more positively on things you have done better than you would normally do.
When dieting, instead of blaming yourself when eating too much on weekends, look back on things you did better during the week than you would normally do. Did you eat more protein than you would normally do? Did you have ONE more side salad than usual?
Same applies to workouts, instead of feeling guilty of missing one workout, realize what you already did and how it was better than it would normally be.
Our mind is programmed to see only negative things and how everything didn’t go as well as it should go. This is why I almost always start with my new online clients program with a little bit less workouts than they think for the first 30 days. After if you still feel like it, you can do more.
The reason is simple, feeling positive about what you have achieved. You always have the possibility to do more which feels a lot better than “missing” a workout, right?
Your mind is saying but “I want to get results faster, I need to do more!”. That is the reason why most programs fail. Trying to do too much, in too short a time.
You must learn to think in the long term. Think 6 months or year from now, what makes you more proud of yourself, getting fast results within one month, “failing” and ending up in your original state (or even worse). Or starting imperfectly but consistent to work and get slower results. I guarantee you are in a better place after 6 months when starting a more sustainable way.
Why I am not happy?
How to talk to yourself? 
Start talking to yourself based on knowledge. When you hear yourself saying, “I am bored”, “I can’t do this” , answer yourself “ I am working on it” and “I am improving”. This is a reminder that you are making progress.
Start building relationships with your pessimistic voice inside of you. Instead of saying loud how you failed..again.. Say loud how you succeed. Even the tiniest small thing you did better than you would normally do.
But if I didn’t do anything well..
Look deeper, were you able to get up 2 days from 7 earlier than usual. Or were you able to walk 5 minutes in your lunch break? Was that more than usual?
If you have children, think how you would talk to them when they just started to learn something new.
The difference in thinking is when you do half things you should, you start to see glass half full and not half empty.
Why I am not happy?
New way of thinking
When you hear yourself saying “I can’t do this”, start saying loudly to yourself “I can do this, when… “ and “I am bad at..” will become “I will improve when I spend enough time to learn”.
When you start doing this, you start to think more actions you can do and not hoping that everything would magically change.
Thinking about outcomes and how everything should be is making you even more unhappy. More you start thinking about actions you can do, the better you will be.
Practical steps how to focus more actions to start feeling happier
Try to focus on ONE new thing every day or every week. It won’t need to be complicated. Closing all electronic devices 15 minutes earlier than usually will improve your sleep.
Drinking a glass of water before a meal might help you to eat less.
All these small easy things will make all the difference. Most likely more you don’t need to do.
How Kristin Changed Her Self Image
When we met 5 months ago for the first time, Kristin had high expectations of coaching as her friend Sandra got great results with Online Training and she wanted the same results.
But that was actually the issue. She was comparing her situation to someone else even though they had totally different situations in life. On the other side, she believed that coaching can help her, which is essential.
Fear from her disease was her biggest motivation and she was already reading many articles from the internet. The problem in 2020 is with the internet that you find support on everything you want. There is so much misleading (also good) information available.
She was confused.
She felt that she was always failing even though she was trying hard.
Working out every day, eating “healthy” was not bringing her results she always wanted.
We started to change things. Instead of working out daily and mostly the same workout, she started to workout 4x in a week with her custom program. Suddenly she started to see more progress than ever before.
By working out less.
Instead of eating “healthy”, she started to track her nutrition, focusing on calories and protein intake. She was still eating her “healthy” foods, just different amounts and aiming to eat more protein.
It didn’t happen overnight but she started to make small, sustainable changes. Instead of feeling guilty of failing, she started to value things she was able to change, even the smallest ones which felt in a time “this won’t help anything”.
After 4 months she is feeling stronger than ever and most importantly she doesn’t have back pain anymore. By working out less than she used to be. She was able to reduce her stress and changed her mind “I must workout” to “I workout because it makes me feel better”. She still has the option to do more, but only if she still feels like it. The difference is in her thinking. ”I was able to do my 4 planned workouts and did even one extra workout” sounds a lot better than “I did only 5 workouts when I should have done 6. “
Nutrition is definitely a lot harder to change but already tracking her food intake made her learn more about her daily habits and foods she loves to eat. She is more aware and thinking a little bit differently when planning her meals. That has made her understand things that actually matter. Feeling guilt is still there sometimes but she is working on it.
Why I am not happy?
What this has to do with you and what you can do today?
Your situation is different but you might be able to relate to some things. If you are planning to start changing something on Jan 1st or when .. something gets better.. Ask yourself, what could be one small thing you could do already today better than you would normally do?
It is a start. More you don’t need to do. Until you repeat it tomorrow.
Stick on habits that are easy to do.
You are learning every day.
You start to see that you make progress.
You start to feel proud of yourself for what you have achieved.
Suddenly, the more you focus on actions, not results or desires, you start to feel happier.
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